My name is Jenny. I am 26 years old and I live in Toronto, Canada. I am starting this blog because I've decided that by writing out my drinking experiences and feelings, they may become more real to me and motivate me to seek help, while reaching out to others in the same prediciment. I have been drinking for about 10 years. Heavily for about 5. I call myself high functioning because I have a good job, an apartment, a dog and a cat who I take well care of, and very supportive friends and family. (Although I have lost friends because of my drinking.) There is a world of me beyond heavy partying, a sad and lonely world that not many people see, where the bottle is my best friend and the only thing that keeps me sane. This blog will be a glimps into that world, what it's like for someone who has a problem and yet has to function in the normal world and pretend they don't. I will write when I am sober, hungover and drinking. I will write when I am happy, sad and numb. Welcome to my hell.

Friday, March 2, 2007

Friday morning

Last night my favorite show (and new obsession) Criminal Minds was airing at 10 pm. After studying the bottle of remaining red wine about 5 times I decided there was no way it was going to last me until 11 pm, and embarked on a hike through a snow storm to get more. I picked up a bottle of white and downed the rest of the red by about 8:30, at which case I proceeding to pass out. I woke up at 9:35 in a frantic, afraid I had slept through my beloved CM, and when I realized I hadn't yet I promptly cracked open the bottle of white. By 11 pm, the bottle was gone and CMs was over. At 2:30 am I woke on the couch, had a glass of water and and dragged my drunk ass to bed.
Needless to say, this morning as I procrastinate doing any work at all, I am reflecting on last night's episode and what happened to Reid, only to realize that I really don't remember any of it. Who was the unsup again? Why did they do it? What happened to Reid? Normally, I wouldn't care because I could download it and watch again, but seeing as my computer has crashed, I am extremely distressed about this. How dare I get innebriated enough to not remember the last episode before a 6 week hiatus of my favorite show? I should probably be more worried that my head is fuzzy at work and I am getting nothing done, and yet this is like an all consumming anxiety. That and the fact that I'm out of wine again, it looks like the weather will prevent me from going to a club tonight, I took all of the oxycontin pills, and I despretely need more booze for tonight. And I have got to take my laptop in to get fixed so that I can continue this once I'm home....damn I wish I could remember Criminal Minds......
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