My name is Jenny. I am 26 years old and I live in Toronto, Canada. I am starting this blog because I've decided that by writing out my drinking experiences and feelings, they may become more real to me and motivate me to seek help, while reaching out to others in the same prediciment. I have been drinking for about 10 years. Heavily for about 5. I call myself high functioning because I have a good job, an apartment, a dog and a cat who I take well care of, and very supportive friends and family. (Although I have lost friends because of my drinking.) There is a world of me beyond heavy partying, a sad and lonely world that not many people see, where the bottle is my best friend and the only thing that keeps me sane. This blog will be a glimps into that world, what it's like for someone who has a problem and yet has to function in the normal world and pretend they don't. I will write when I am sober, hungover and drinking. I will write when I am happy, sad and numb. Welcome to my hell.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I haven't written for a while, mostly because i've gotten too drunk and passed out on my couch. Well, the weather is warming up and the snow is melting, the light now extends past 7:00 which makes me very happy. It's a strange feeling. It's strange because, instead of feeling, 'oh i'm happier now and therefore i don't need a drink', it somehow reaches my brain as 'oh i'm happy i have to celebrate with a drink'. Doesn't matter how or when, it all resorts back to drinking. I can't feel without it. Happy, sad, angry, stressed, it doesn't really matter as it all resorts back to the drink.

My stomach is bothering me. The size of it. Beer gut. So tonight I got vodka. At least vodka and soda and lime is relatively low calorie which helps with the whole stomach thing. Just gets me drunker.
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