Even though I have shown up to work hungover (still drunk sometimes) and not gotten a hell of a lot done, my boss still gives me a promotion and raise. It upsets me a bit, I feel like a kid who broke a window and someone else got blamed, but more so because of the potential I have to be something great, if I could just get sober.
Think of the possibilities, the amazing things I could do. And yet I'm stuck. Sooo stuck.
So, I finally agreed to go to an AA meeting with my mom on Sunday. Doesn't mean I'm done drinking, just going to check it out. See what happens. My mom wants me in Detox. Don't know how much that would help, except I am starting with the nausea and the tremors. And the cravings. In the mornings now.....we'll see how it goes.
I want oxy now. I took all my moms and I'm out, and I don't know how to get more. But I'm craving that too, the mild euphoria it brings, the feeling of having no feelings at all. A mild heroine if you will. Last time I took them, I had 6 pills. Scares me, that I want that. Because if someone were to offer me something stronger, could I say no? Probably not......
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